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Struggling with New Year’s goals? Registered Clinical Psychologist and Clinic founder, Michelle Sorensen, explains why willpower fails and shares 3 evidence-based strategies that actually work. Ottawa therapy for sustainable change.
“Currently doing a challenge called January. It’s where you just try to make it through every day in January.”
I recently saw this meme and it made me laugh—but it also rang painfully true for a lot of people. Here in Ottawa, we’ve been having a very classic Canadian winter. Lots of snow, many sub-zero temperature days, and some rough viruses circulating. It’s no wonder people get worn down!
If you set ambitious goals for the New Year and already feel disappointed about your outcomes, try not to get discouraged. You don’t need more willpower or discipline. You might just need a different way of thinking about goals.
A sense of purpose and the drive to succeed in 2025, whether it be related to health, personal life, work, or family, can actually help you find the energy and hopefulness to try something new. But it starts with being kinder to yourself about where you’re at right now.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail (It’s Not What You Think)
Most New Year’s goals collapse by mid-February, not because you lack discipline, but because they’re built on all-or-nothing thinking. It’s one of the most common thinking patterns that undermines goal achievement.
We set big, ambitious targets: I’m going to the gym five days a week! I’ll meal prep every Sunday! I’ll finally get organized! These big goals feel inspiring at first, but when life happens (a sick kid, a work deadline, a rough week), we feel like failures and abandon the goal entirely.
So what’s really going on? Well, this isn’t a willpower problem. Nor is it a character flaw or laziness. It’s actually a nervous system problem. When you’re already stretched thin, especially during the dark, cold winter months, your brain is in survival mode, not transformation mode. Adding pressure through rigid goals actually increases stress and avoidance rather than building momentum.
The good news? There’s a better way to approach goals, one that works with how your brain actually functions, not against it.
Three Strategies That Actually Work
1. Build Systems, Not Just Goals
Goals are focused on outcomes, but when you focus on building systems, you make sustainable change. Focus on building systems that help you succeed, adding to your routines and habits one small change at a time. Here’s the difference:
A goal might be: “I want to exercise five times a week” ou “I’m going to eat healthier this year.”
A system is: “I lay out my workout clothes before bed” ou “I prep my lunch ingredients every Sunday so grabbing something healthy is easier than ordering takeout.”
See how one focuses on the result, while the other focuses on the small actions that make the result possible? These small steps in the form of ‘systems‘ can make the goal feel more manageable and sustainable.
I often work with clients who’ve spent years trying to “push through” with willpower alone. One person recently told me they’d been berating themselves for a decade about not exercising consistently. Yet somehow, the shame never made them want to go to the gym. When we shifted to building one tiny morning routine (a 5-minute walk while listening to their favourite podcast), they finally found consistency. Not because they suddenly became more disciplined, but because the goal finally felt doable.
People might think “but small goals won’t get me where I need to go fast enough” or “what if I don’t have time for small steps?” This is where our brains trick us. We think we need big dramatic changes to make progress, but research shows the opposite: small, consistent actions (even boring ones!) compound over time. The person who reads one page daily will finish more books than the person who waits for a “perfect reading weekend” that never comes.
For example, if mornings are always hectic and anxiety-producing, start with an evening system of putting out items for a lunch bag in the morning. Perhaps even prepare food, such as healthy snacks or a sandwich, and have them ready to go in the fridge. These small steps can make the morning feel more manageable.
Similarly, perhaps you lay out your clothes for work before bedtime, or if you have children, get them to choose their clothes the night before. One of my daughters (of course, the middle one… it’s always that charming middle child!) used to lay out her whole outfit in the form of a person on the ground in her room. She had a lot of fun with it, and then the debate about what to wear didn’t need to happen when she was tired in the morning!
It’s amazing what a difference it can make to take those little steps ahead of time to set yourself up for success.
What’s one small system you could build this week? Maybe it’s laying out clothes, prepping lunches, or putting your workout gear by the coffee maker. Pick just one and notice how it changes your morning.
2. Practice Self-Compassion (It Actually Improves Performance)
Life is unpredictable. If things don’t go as planned, focus on what you did do or on the rest you decided you needed, or the curveballs you survived. There’s always something you can appreciate about your efforts. And here’s the part most people don’t know: starting with self-appreciation actually increases motivation and hopefulness, rather than draining your energy with self-criticism and a sense of failure.
Many people resist self-compassion because of unspoken rules they live by:
— “If I’m nicer to myself, I’ll lose my edge. I won’t get things done.”
— “If I’m self-compassionate, I’ll become lazy or overconfident.”
Actually, research shows the opposite. Studies consistently demonstrate that self-compassion improves performance rather than undermining it. People who practice self-kindness are more likely to persist after setbacks, set realistic goals, and maintain motivation over time. That’s the exact opposite of what self-criticism achieves.
This makes sense whether you’re trying to clean your house or train for a half marathon. When people push too hard through self-criticism (which, let’s be honest, most of us are experts at), they become dysregulated. They overtrain and injure themselves, or they burn out completely. Being kind to yourself means you can pace yourself, avoid injury in the case of physical exertion, and avoid irritability and burnout when it comes to chores, workload, parenting, or other daily tasks.
3. Make It Easy and Enjoyable
Start with very small, attainable goals. This sounds obvious, but most people still choose something they end up avoiding because it feels like too much. For example, if you want to read more, plan to read one page each morning during your tea or coffee time. Pairing it with an enjoyable activity helps, but making it a very small action step is even better. Then practice that self-appreciation and feel great about reading the one page.
Here’s why this matters: avoidance makes anxiety greater because we’re teaching ourselves we’re not capable. If you approach one small task you’ve been dreading, you’ll see your anxiety go down—because it now seems possible to do more.
If you’re avoiding preparing your taxes (nobody’s favorite task, I know), even choosing a spot to start gathering paperwork is a great first step. If you tell yourself you need to set aside a whole afternoon to focus on taxes, you’re likely to decide today is not the day. Ever noticed that?
When you take that tiny first step (like choosing where to put the tax receipts, or reading just one page), something shifts. Your anxiety decreases because the task feels possible now. That builds confidence. And confidence creates momentum that actually lasts. If you’re struggling with l'anxiété, you can read more about it ici.
Why February Is Often the Hardest Month
Many people believe January 1st is the perfect time to start changing your life. But here’s what I see in my practice: February is often when people struggle most. The novelty of the new year has worn off, the days are still dark, and for many, seasonal depression is peaking. Valentine’s Day can add extra pressure. Tax season looms. And if your January goals didn’t stick, you might be dealing with a heavy layer of self-criticism on top of everything else.
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’re just white-knuckling your way through winter, you don’t have to do this alone. With these strategies in mind, any day can be the day you start making changes—without that January “new year, new you” pressure.
If you’re noticing that the dark days are affecting more than just your goals or if you’re feeling persistently low, unmotivated, or detached, you might be experiencing seasonal depression. This is incredibly common in Ottawa winters, and it’s treatable. You don’t have to wait until spring to feel better.
Ready to Try a Different Approach?
At The Resiliency Clinic, we help overwhelmed adults understand pourquoi they struggle with goals, motivation, and self-criticism—not just what to do about it. We specialize in evidence-based therapy for anxiety, burnout, perfectionism, and building psychological flexibility. Remember that “January challenge” meme? You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through February too. We can help. Réserver une consultation gratuite de 15 minutes to explore how we can support you.
This blog post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you’re struggling with persistent anxiety, burnout, or mental health concerns, please reach out to a qualified therapist.
